Going no contact with parents

Family relationships are often the longest and most influential connections in a person’s life. They can also be deeply complex. When conflict, hurt or unresolved issues build over time, some people consider going no contact with parents as a way to protect their wellbeing. 

This decision is rarely sudden. More often, it develops gradually after years of tension, misunderstandings or emotional pain. In some families, adult children having no contact with parents reflects deeper patterns of unresolved conflict, unmet needs or repeated boundary violations. 

Understanding what leads people to create distance and approaching the decision with care may help those considering going no contact navigate these complex family dynamics with greater clarity and intention.  

 

Why do people go no contact with parents? 

Family estrangement, going no contact, or going low contact are terms used to describe different levels of distance in a relationship. ‘Family estrangement’ refers to a breakdown or separation in family relationships where contact is limited or stopped altogether. ‘Going no contact’ means deliberately ending communication with a person, while ‘low contact’ means maintaining only minimal, carefully managed interaction. 
 
Conversations about going no contact have become more visible in recent years, particularly on social media. Platforms like Instagram and TikTok have made it easier for people to share personal stories about difficult family relationships. But short reels viewed through the lens of social media can simplify complex situations. 

Michael Davy, Practice Specialist for Counselling and Groups at Interrelate, says online spaces often shape how people interpret their experiences. 

‘Social media really informs and influences our way of thinking,’ he says. ‘Where previously we might have defaulted to experts and sought advice from research or practice, we now seek it from a much more opinion-based environment.’ 

These conversations can bring important issues to light, but they can also create strong narratives focused on blame or conflict. According to Michael, it’s important to remember that family estrangement is rarely simple. 

‘Media thrives on bold black and white statements. We often end up with a goodie and a baddie, someone who is right and someone who is wrong. But relationships are rarely that simple. They are complex and shaped by patterns that develop between people over time. 

‘When someone reaches the point of cutting off contact, it usually relates to significant hurts and deep wounds. People may feel unloved, uncared for or unvalued. Another factor can be safety, where someone feels their wellbeing is being compromised in unacceptable ways.’  

 

Reasons to go no contact with parents 

There are many possible reasons some people choose to go no contact with parents, and every situation is different. Sometimes the decision is connected to clear patterns of harmful behaviour. In other cases, it reflects long-standing relationship dynamics that have never been resolved. 

Situations that may contribute to family estrangement include ongoing conflict, emotional neglect, repeated boundary violations or experiences of abuse. These patterns can shape a person’s sense of identity and emotional safety over time. 

Michael explains that when family relationships become harmful, certain warning signs often emerge. 

‘A key indicator is when personal boundaries are repeatedly crossed. That could include physical harm, emotional abuse or situations where someone’s sense of identity and worth is constantly undermined.’ 

In other cases, the issues may be less obvious but still deeply affect a person’s wellbeing. 

‘If someone feels they are continually criticised, dismissed or made to feel they don’t matter, that can have a significant emotional impact over time.’ 

However, Michael also notes that conflict in families does not automatically mean a relationship is harmful. Many families experience difficult periods or disagreements that can still be resolved. 

‘All relationships have things that work well and things that don’t. The question is whether the relationship still contains elements that are meaningful and worthwhile, or whether the harm has become overwhelming.’  

 

When to go no contact with parents 

Going no contact with a parent is rarely straightforward. For some people, creating distance is necessary to protect their safety or mental health. For others, there may still be opportunities to repair the relationship or establish healthier boundaries. 

Michael says the level of harm experienced in the relationship is an important factor to consider. 

‘The degree of negative impact matters. If a relationship is seriously affecting someone’s mental health or compromising their safety, then creating distance can be an important act of self-protection.’ 

However, he emphasises that the decision should ideally follow attempts to address the issues within the relationship. 

‘It’s important to ask whether genuine attempts have been made to resolve the problem. Have there been conversations about what’s happening and how it affects each person?’ 

Family conflict can sometimes become locked in patterns of blame or defensiveness, making it difficult for either side to move forward. 

‘Once relationships become focused on blame, it becomes very polarised and much harder to heal. The focus needs to shift towards understanding what is happening beneath the conflict.’    

 

Going no contact with a parent: a balanced approach 

 When people think about how to go no contact with a parent, it can be helpful to reflect carefully on the broader context of the relationship. 

Michael suggests stepping back from immediate reactions and exploring the experiences of all people involved. 

‘A practical first step is to consider the two sets of experiences in the relationship. We naturally focus on our own perspective, but it can help to reflect on how the other person might see the situation as well.’ 

This reflection does not mean dismissing or minimising a person’s own experience. Instead, it helps clarify what is happening within the relationship. 

‘Ask yourself what you are really looking for or needing from the relationship,’ Michael says. ‘Once that becomes clearer, the next step is to think about whether those needs can be expressed in a constructive way.’ 

In some situations, creating temporary distance or establishing stronger boundaries may help people regain emotional balance and clarity. 

‘Sometimes people need space to re-ground themselves and find emotional balance before deciding what comes next.’ 

 

Should I go no contact with my parents? 

Family relationships are often tied to strong expectations around loyalty, responsibility and identity, which can make going no contact with parents feel like an extremely difficult decision. 

Michael says that in some circumstances, distancing from family can be an important form of self-protection. 

‘Going no contact is often an act of self-protection. The key question is whether the level of protection being enacted is proportionate to the situation and the needs involved.’ 

In some families, unresolved issues or misunderstandings can be addressed with support and open conversation. In others, distance may be necessary to protect someone’s wellbeing. 

For parents, hearing that an adult child wants distance can be deeply painful and confusing. Michael encourages families to look beyond the conflict and focus on understanding the underlying experience. 

‘Usually, it means there is a genuine hurt going on for the young person. Being able to listen and acknowledge what they are feeling, even if you don’t agree with every detail, can be an important step.’ 

Family estrangement is rarely about a single event. More often, it reflects patterns that have developed over time.  

 

Finding support when family relationships become difficult 

Family conflict and estrangement can feel overwhelming, particularly when emotions run high and communication breaks down. Counselling, mediation and relationship education can provide a space to explore these issues with guidance and support. 

If family relationships are causing distress or you are considering going no contact with parents, professional support can help you understand your options and move forward with greater clarity.  

Contact us today to speak with our team about support for challenging family relationships.