How to help kids with anxiety

Anxiety is a normal and healthy emotion. It helps children recognise danger, prepare for challenges and respond to new situations. But when anxiety becomes overwhelming, persistent or begins to interfere with daily life, it can affect a child’s wellbeing, learning and relationships.

Knowing how to help kids with anxiety starts with understanding what anxiety looks like, what can trigger it, and how adults can support children in ways that build confidence rather than avoidance.

As Interrelate Practice Specialist in Child, Youth and Family, Alicia McAleer explains, anxiety looks different for every child – and support works best when it’s tailored to the individual.

 

Common signs of anxiety in children

Anxiety can show up emotionally, physically, behaviourally or cognitively – and often in a combination of ways. Some children are very open about their worries, while others express anxiety through behaviour or physical symptoms.

Common signs of anxiety in children include:

• excessive worry or fear
  

• irritability, tearfulness or sudden sadness
  
  
• avoiding school or social situations
  
  

• clinging to parents or caregivers
  

• difficulty sleeping or changes in appetite
  

• stomach aches or headaches with no clear medical cause
  

• difficulty concentrating or overthinking

Teenagers may also show anxiety through withdrawal, changes in school attendance or performance, increased self-consciousness, or risk-taking behaviours.

‘Some children present with lots of outward signs, while others become very quiet,’ Alicia says ‘It’s often the change from their usual behaviour that matters most.’

 

What causes anxiety in kids?

Understanding what causes anxiety in kids can help parents and carers respond with empathy rather than frustration.

Anxiety can be triggered by many everyday experiences, including:

• starting school or changing schools
  

• academic pressure or tests
  

• friendship or social challenges
  

• family changes, such as separation or conflict
  

• big life transitions or uncertainty
  

• exposure to worrying news or global events
  

• learned anxiety from highly anxious adults

Alicia emphasises that anxiety itself isn’t the problem.

‘Anxiety becomes an issue when it persists in situations that don’t warrant it, and when it starts preventing a child from doing everyday things like going to school or spending time with friends.’

 

How to help a child with anxiety at home

When parents are thinking about how to help a child with anxiety, the instinct is often to remove the source of worry. While this can bring short-term relief, it can unintentionally reinforce anxiety over time.

'The greatest thing we can do for children is teach them how to move through difficult emotions,’ Alicia explains. ‘Resilience can’t develop if anxiety is always avoided.’

Helpful strategies include:

• staying calm and present during moments of worry

• acknowledging feelings without dismissing them

• reassuring children that anxiety is uncomfortable but not dangerous

• encouraging small, manageable steps rather than avoidance
  
  

• modelling healthy coping with your own emotions

Children learn emotional regulation through co-regulation – interacting with a calm, responsive adult who helps them feel safe while they navigate big feelings.

 

Helping kids with anxiety at different ages

There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to anxiety. Children’s worries, coping skills and need for support change as they grow.

How to help kindergarteners with anxiety

Young children often express anxiety through behaviour rather than words. Gentle routines, visible schedules, reassurance and physical comfort can help them feel safe and grounded.

How to help tweens with anxiety

Tweens may struggle with social comparison, school pressure and identity changes. Open conversations, where feelings are validated and problems are solved together, can be especially helpful.

How to help a teenager with anxiety

Teenagers benefit from being treated as active participants in managing their anxiety. Supporting independence while staying emotionally available helps build confidence and trust.

“Parents are the experts on their children,” Alicia says. “Most parents already know what helps – sometimes they just need reassurance that they’re doing a good job.”

 

How to help a child with anxiety about school

School-related anxiety is common and can show up as school refusal, frequent complaints of illness or emotional distress in the mornings.

It may help to:

• explore specific worries (social, academic, separation)

• work collaboratively with teachers where appropriate

• maintain consistent routines

• break school attendance into manageable steps

• avoid reinforcing avoidance behaviours

Supporting school anxiety often requires patience, consistency and reassurance over time. 

 

Simple techniques to calm anxious feelings

Many practical, age-appropriate tools can support anxious children in the moment, offering anxiety help for kids that builds confidence and coping skills. These include:

• breathing exercises, such as box breathing
  
• movement, including walking, stretching or play
  
• sensory input, like fidget tools or textured objects
  
• simple CBT strategies, such as challenging negative thoughts
  
• emotional literacy, helping children name and describe feelings

Alicia encourages parents to ask reflective questions like:

• ‘What are you feeling right now?’
• ‘Where do you feel that in your body?’
• ‘What can I do to support you when you feel this way?’

 

When anxiety may need extra support

Anxiety may be linked with depression when children withdraw from activities they once enjoyed, isolate from others or show a significant change in mood or behaviour.

‘I’m always most concerned about children who become very quiet and withdrawn,’ Alicia says. ‘That shift can be a sign that something deeper is happening.’

If anxiety is interfering with daily life, relationships or learning, seeking professional support can make a meaningful difference.

We offer counselling and family mental health support services with practical guidance and reassurance for families helping kids with anxiety.

Parents can expect practitioners to:

• focus on strengths, not blame
  

• support parental confidence and capacity
  

• tailor strategies to each child’s needs
  

• work collaboratively with families over time
  

‘We’re not interested in pointing out flaws,’ Alicia says. ‘We want to help parents recognise their strengths and use them to support their children.’

If your child’s anxiety is affecting school, friendships or family life, you don’t have to manage it on your own. Explore our counselling for young people or family mental health support services.