- Separation Support
- Counselling
- Mental Health Support
- Relationship and Sexuality Education
- Relationship and Parenting Courses
- First Nations Services
What is family and domestic violence?
Family and domestic violence is not always easy to recognise, especially when it doesn’t involve physical harm. It can develop gradually through patterns of control, fear or emotional harm that leave people questioning their own experience. Understanding what domestic violence is, and how it can show up in different ways, can help you name what’s happening, recognise warning signs and take steps towards safety and support.
Understanding family and domestic violence is an important first step towards safety, clarity and support. Many people live with harm in their relationships without having the language to name what is happening, or the confidence to ask whether it ‘counts’ as abuse.
Domestic violence is not always obvious. It does not always involve physical harm, and it does not always happen all the time. For many people, it shows up quietly, through fear, control, manipulation or ongoing emotional harm.
At Interrelate, we work with individuals and families every day who are trying to make sense of their experiences. This article explains what domestic violence is, how it is defined in Australia, the different forms it can take, and where to find support.
Domestic violence definition
In Australia, the definition of domestic violence usually sits within the broader term of domestic and family violence. Domestic and family violence is a broad term used to describe violence, abuse and controlling behaviour that occurs within relationships.
Domestic violence most commonly refers to violence by a current or former intimate partner, while family violence includes harm that occurs between family members or within family-like relationships, including carers and, for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples, extended kinship systems. Domestic and family violence can take many forms, including physical, emotional, psychological, financial and social abuse, as well as coercive control, where one person uses ongoing patterns of intimidation, restriction or manipulation to dominate another person’s life.
It can also include sexual violence, such as sexual assault, coercion or unwanted sexualised behaviour. Importantly, domestic and family violence is not about isolated incidents or ‘losing your temper’ – it is about patterns of behaviour that create fear, imbalance of power and ongoing harm, and it can affect people of all genders, ages and backgrounds.
As Michelle Teece, Regional Manager, Northern at Interrelate, explains:
‘Domestic and family violence is not defined by one argument or one moment. What we see is a pattern of behaviour where one person consistently uses control, intimidation or harm to maintain power over another. That pattern is what makes it violence.’
Domestic violence can affect people of all genders, ages, cultures and backgrounds. It can occur in long-term relationships, new relationships, and after separation.
Trigger warning
The following sections discuss domestic and family violence, including control and abuse. If this content feels distressing, consider taking a break and reaching out to a trusted support service.
Types of domestic violence
When people think about types of domestic violence, physical violence often comes to mind first. However, abuse can take many forms, and often several types are present at the same time.
Common types of domestic violence include:
-
Physical abuse, such as hitting, pushing, choking or restraining
-
Emotional and psychological abuse, including threats, humiliation, gaslighting or constant criticism
-
Sexual abuse, including coercion or lack of consent
-
Financial abuse, such as controlling money, preventing access to finances or creating debt
-
Social abuse, including isolation from friends, family or community
-
Technology-facilitated abuse, such as monitoring messages or tracking movements
Michelle says:
‘One of the most harmful myths we encounter is that domestic violence has to be physical to be serious. Emotional, psychological and financial abuse can be just as damaging, and often leave people feeling trapped, confused and deeply unsafe.’
Understanding the full range of domestic violence helps people recognise abuse earlier and seek help sooner.
Coercive control and domestic violence
In recent years, there has been growing awareness of coercive control in domestic violence. Coercive control refers to ongoing behaviours designed to dominate another person’s life, rather than single acts of violence.
This can include monitoring movements, controlling who someone sees, restricting access to money, using threats, or making a person feel constantly afraid of consequences.
According to Michelle:
‘Coercive control is about slowly shrinking someone’s world. Over time, people can lose confidence in their own judgment, feel unable to make decisions, and believe they have no way out. That erosion of independence is incredibly harmful.’
Coercive control is now recognised in Australian law in several states, reflecting its serious impact on safety and wellbeing. Naming coercive control as a form of domestic violence is an important step in validating people’s experiences and improving responses.
The cycle of domestic violence
Many people stay in abusive relationships because the violence is not constant. Understanding the cycle of domestic violence can help explain why leaving is so complex and why abuse often escalates over time.
The cycle commonly includes:
-
A tension-building phase, where fear, criticism or control increases
-
An incident of abuse, which may be physical, emotional or psychological
-
A reconciliation phase, sometimes called the ‘honeymoon period’, where apologies, promises or affection occur
-
A calm period, before the cycle begins again
Michelle explains:
‘The cycle of domestic violence can be incredibly confusing. After an incident, there may be genuine remorse or affection, which gives people hope that things will change. But without intervention, the cycle usually repeats and often becomes more dangerous.’
Recognising the cycle of domestic violence helps people understand that abuse is not their fault, and that lasting change requires support and accountability.
Domestic and family violence and its impact
The impact of domestic and family violence can be profound and long-lasting. It affects physical health, mental health, relationships, work and parenting. Children who are exposed to domestic violence, even if they are not directly harmed, can experience anxiety, behavioural changes and long-term emotional effects.
‘We see the ripple effects of domestic and family violence across entire families,' Michelle says. 'Children, in particular, are deeply affected by living in an environment where fear and control are present. Supporting safety early makes a real difference to long-term wellbeing.’
Domestic violence often continues after separation, which is why support during and after leaving is critical. If you’re questioning exactly what is domestic violence in your own life, or supporting someone else, you’re not alone. Help is available, and support does not require you to have all the answers.
At Interrelate, we offer
counselling, mediation and separation support that prioritise safety, dignity and choice. We work with people at all stages, whether they’re seeking information, planning next steps, or rebuilding after violence.
As Michelle says: ‘Reaching out for support does not mean you have failed. It means you are taking a courageous step towards safety and clarity. Everyone deserves relationships free from fear and control.’
If you need help now
If you are in immediate danger, call 000. In Australia, you can contact 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732 for confidential, 24/7 support.
Taking the next step towards safety and support
Understanding family and domestic violence can be confronting, but it can also be empowering. Naming what is happening is often the first step towards change.
If you would like to learn more or access support, we’re here to help. Explore our family and domestic violence services to find the right support for you or your family. You do not have to navigate this alone.
