When work, school and social life are dominated by online activities it can be difficult to manage your child’s use of technology, let alone your own. 

Technology has come to be somewhat of a “babysitter” for children as many families deal with the busy demands of modern family life, alongside it's excellent source of entertainment for the whole family. Long-term use can however pose difficulties for parents as they try to navigate conversations around emotions, relationships and internet usage in an effort to foster healthy habits which support their child’s development.

In 2021 Interrelate partnered with Deakin University, UTS and Alan Riva and found significant benefits to showing children what a positive relationship with technology looks like, whilst being more hands-on in their approach. As children spend on average 4.5 hours a day on their screens - finding healthy ways to manage this behaviour is essential to forming healthy habits online with your child and their devices. 

For some, quality time and technology usage are considered non-compatible, whilst for others the two go hand in hand. The benefits of combining quality time with technology use are certainly there, providing there are boundaries in place. What makes the difference is using devices with your child intentionally and being present together versus letting them do whatever they want on there without any guidance or supervision. It boils down to whether you are being passive or active about how your child is engaging online.

Being passive with technology Vs being present

Picture this - you’re all sitting around in the loungeroom after dinner, you’re checking work emails whilst your partner catches up on social media and your child chats with friends online. You’re all physically there but mentally you are in different places. Technology has separated your attention from each other and whilst you may consider this as spending time together, when done in excess, it is not actively doing much for creating a healthy connection between you.

An alternative to this scenario would be sitting with your child as you both engage in an online activity, whether it's homework, a game, or learning together - you are both engaged in the same activity and working together. Choosing to do this for 30 minutes after dinner rather than  - there is a purpose, a timeframe, and presence! Technology is assisting to facilitate this interaction with you and your child and teaching your child valuable skills about regulation and healthy usage. 

Bringing families together 

Technology has the potential to bring family together, providing it is done in moderation and in addition to other relationship building activities. Actively engaging with your child and taking steps to learn about their interests online, is an important step for fostering a deeper connection. Meeting children halfway in their hobbies gives you and your child an opportunity to learn and gives them the chance to teach you something as well.   

Building valuable life skills 

By allowing yourself to try, fail, and succeed in these shared activities, you not only build your relationship, but you help foster empathy in your child by letting them see you try, fail, and succeed. It reinforces the fact that making mistakes is common, and learning from them, and improving on them, is how we grow. You are helping your child to build a valuable life skill - to manage their own behaviour. 

Alan Riva, an expert in the field of presence and mindfulness, noted that being present and engaging in presence exercises with children can build foundations that benefit relationships, both interpersonal and technological. This is especially valuable as kids turn into teenagers, and the relationship shifts from parent-adolescent to parent-teenager.  

Making interactions of this manner intentional in your relationship helps to keep the bond strong. It gives your child a safe relationship where they can explore themselves and their limits with more independence and trust.